If this entry were from last week, it would be incredibly upbeat and optimistic. Not so, today. It's a sad, rainy Tuesday, and there are a couple indications that I won't get exactly what I want. I want employment, meaningful employment, and I have no definitive answers. Well, except the potential teaching job. But with my track record, even that could go haywire.
If all goes to plan, I'll be teaching the Baroque to Contemporary art history survey at OUZ. Which sounds awesome. And scary. Especially if I wind up in the auditorium. What if I bore the students to death? What if they can't comprehend me? It wouldn't be the first time...it often seems that I'm speaking gibberish to people. So that's one thing. In September. But what about in between?
I just can't revel in the good things, like completing the horrid thesis or being done with the Heifer event. I find not the silver lining but the dark spots. Like...what if my grades aren't updated in time to reflect my graduation on my transcript? I bet everyone at the graduation party was wondering who that loser Deborah is on the list and why she isn't there. I do wish I could have been there. I don't feel like a Master now. No more than before. And really...none of the good things in the past month keep me out of debt. My life is all about a paycheck now. So much for idealism.
On the bright side--well, less dark side--I got to watch the pilot of Lost on my computer while trying to email a potential employer and submitting yet another resume. Fingers crossed for at least some form of acknowledgement. It'll need to get a whole lot more gloomy for me to think that I shouldn't keep looking for that arts job that's out there for me, somewhere...
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