any takers?

These are the topics that walk that fine line between public and private, between debatable and off-limits: welfare, food stamps, however you call them. It's a wonder I haven't written that much about these topics since family discussions mirror the news media so closely: Person A thinks everyone who uses food stamps is defrauding taxpayers while Person B (usually me) hopes that she can make everyone see that is an over-generalization, an assumption that only divides us further. Meanwhile, Person C just doesn't want to talk about it. Seriously, can we not talk about it please?

Dorothea Lange, Migrant Mother, Nipomo Valley, 1935

These topics, specifically the SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) one, make me nervous because I dread the effect on the local community, should the program ever be completely de-funded. Plus, as a former member of AmeriCorps, I experienced the benefits first-hand. Short of putting my family through an abridged version of the Bridges out of Poverty training, I offer anecdotes to fight against the stereotypes.

It's natural to see someone receiving a benefit and think, "Hey, I'm paying for this myself. I'm working." I think it's that very human reaction that drives my relatives to form their opinions. Then they follow up with comments like "get a job," or "but they have a job, what's the problem?" It's also very human to look at someone receiving benefits and analyze clothing, car, behavior, and the amount of junk food in their shopping cart, because surely only a certain type of person needs food stamps. And I've thought that way, too. It was instantaneous; I hand a food pantry form to someone, and I see manicured nails and an iPhone. It doesn't compute. Why are they receiving help? Aren't there others who need it more?

But then I thought to myself, I'm as bad as that Varney guy on Fox News who complained that the American poor aren't really poor because they have microwaves--in essence redefining poverty. So let me flip this around for you: instead of thinking to yourself, "he bought an iPhone but he needs my help buying food," think "wow, the people in need might not be that different from me." It's all about perspective. If your definition of poor is still an image like Lange's Migrant Mother, you might want to look at some newer information from the SNAP program itself:

View some studies for yourself at USDA.gov

Even better, watch "American Winter". The point is, the "poor" might not be who you think they are. They might not be the takers, the freeloaders, that drum up so much conservative ire. They might have that iPhone to disguise themselves, fearful of judgment. Or heck, they're just trying to live a "normal" 21st Century life.

Why am I posting all this? Because I couldn't do it today when faced with this topic yet again. It's nowhere near as eloquent as Lange's photograph, which drew public attention to the plight of tenant farmers during the Depression, but it's what I'm able to offer. I suppose I could bring my laptop along whenever I visit a relative, just in case they need their perspective changed, but I'd hate to be preachy with family. So I'm preaching to you instead.

Aren't we all hard-working Americans?

All right, I suppose I understand that all government expenditures are under a harsh lens these days...but can Congress really shut down PBS and NPR?  I've heard that NPR's income, though partly Federal funding, is largely from private donations.  You know, their tag line is "this program was made possible by viewers like you."  That counts as acknowledging taxpayers as much as donors, in my view.

I'm really concerned that institutions like these as well as museums and non-profits are the first on the chopping block.  Isn't there a number out there circulating that such funding makes up maybe 10% of the Federal budget?  And then there's teachers, who, unlike Saturday-night babysitters, earn on average $1.24 per child per hour.  And these are the first cuts?  Sheesh.

I should know by now that not everyone has the same priorities as I do.  And not everyone thinks of the world in the same way.  I quickly learned that "grown-ups" don't always get it right.  I find it really sad that I have to be surrounded by like-minded "young people" to be taken seriously.  Even then, I'm not sure I wow people the way I used to.  I may have little tidbits of prestige on the resume, but for some, even Columbia doesn't impress.  In terms of art history, it should be hallowed for Meyer Shapiro, who earned the first doctorate in the field.  Some just shrug it off.  (One in particular I am pretty sure was just trying to sleight me...and it worked)

None of this is really connected, unless you count the issue of prestige when deciding which jobs count and which do not.  Teachers should be pretigious, as well as other "cultural workers" out there in libraries and museums that make the world a little less stark.  Even though it isn't only good old boys now, it seems there is still a secret kabal of good old boys and girls that won't let me in.  Not that I want in.  I just want to make a career and a living without fearfully wondering if the majority of Americans think my career choices are worthless.

Without even having a "first career" unless you count internships and temporary posts, I seem to have been redirected like so many other Americans...but without decades of income behind me.  I feel like I'm in limbo.  Maybe I'm being directed to less of an arts-themed career and more of a service one (although I still don't see much difference...), and my latest attempt to organize a Heifer Project event is a sign pointing in that direction.  I'll serve...but I can't volunteer for the rest of my life.  And apparently I'm too educated to be a shop girl.  Dang it.

class warfare

I'm sick of rich people complaining.  And if that is a prejudicial statement (which it most definitely is...), then I'm not sorry.  Every newsanchor and pundit out there screaming about class warfare is doing so merely because they belong to the Haves, not the Have Nots, and want to remain in that category.

Of course these categories are not so easy to define.  In terms of having a roof over my head and transportation and food and clothing, I am a Have.  In terms of a career and investments and retirement, I am certainly a Have Not.  I've been feeling more and more like a Have Not lately in political and social terms.

Family is that network in which Have versus Have Not should not matter.  Or so I believed, naïvely.  Last summer, a portion of my family went on a beach vacation.  Those who did not go had various reasons for sticking around Ohio.  A newborn baby, farm work, and lack of funds.  Guess what my reason was.  While I did  not care very much about the first time, I am changing my mind now.  Namely because of something my sister said.  She announced that it was time to plan the next "family" beach vacation, on some island off the coast of North Carolina, in a house with too many amenities.  She estimated $1000 per couple.  First...we aren't all couples.  Second...who the hell can afford $1000 for a week at the beach?!  I told her that I can't really afford that.  What could I afford, she asked.  Well, honestly...nothing.  Everything I earn goes toward health insurance and loan payments.  And I'm not earning much these days as a substitute teacher.  Here's her response:

"Then you aren't coming."

Wow.  Talk about familial love.  Not.  I've been trying to figure out her inexplicable transition from lower middle class farm girl to uppity bitch for many years now.  I've got no explanation.

Here's what I want to know...why did the rest of the family not rebuke her?!  #1, we're still in a recession, no matter what economists say.  #2, we aren't a rich family, so why are they acting like they deserve to spend a week lying on cushions while slaves feed them grapes? #3, is it still a "family" vacation when one family member is so unceremoniously prohibited from attending?  One disclaimer:  my dad did say he could pay part of my way.  But that doesn't really help.  Why?  Because I want to be independent.  I don't think he realizes that.

I don't think any of them realize how badly I want to be independent.  I want my own home, my own car, my own salary.  I want all that investment and 401k crap.  But I cannot seem to get started in this "job market" or lack thereof.  I don't think any of them realize what I gave up when I moved back to the farm.  I had Manhattan.  I'm starting to think I'd be better off impoverished in the Big Apple than on my family's dole.  At least I'd be independent and free from that sister's selfishness.

So now I'm faced with a decision.  Do I go on vacation, or not?  Now I don't want to create the illusion that I don't pay for anything at all entertaining or self-indulgent.  I have plans to go to the rally in DC with my man, I've bought "interview" clothes (...I guess I was overly optimistic that day), and today I bought ice cream and Chipotle.  But do I want to be trapped on an island with people who don't really understand me?  Who apparently don't even care about me and my situation?  You'd think that they'd have some modicum of empathy at least on a very basic, biological level.  Nope.  As I right and drum up the rage that I felt Saturday night, I'm thinking I already made my decision.  If Rachel can boycott Chipotle and McDonald's for ideological reasons, than I can boycott the self-entitled "family" vacation that has brought class warfare into the confines of my familial relationships (that are, I believed, supposed to be safe and comforting, not critical and damning).  I cannot in good conscience spend hundreds of dollars to go to the beach with people who drive luxury vehicles and whine about their retirements while there are people starving...starving for work, food, and financial independence.

I may vote for a Republican or two on the local level.  That's just how it goes in Ohio.  And this is not to say that Democrats are not Haves...they most certainly are...but they seem to care, even with all the economic troubles, about the Have Nots more than Republicans ever could.  That's why I get a sick, twisting feeling in my stomach when I hear and read "class warfare," "regular folks," "entrepreneurs," and all the other conservative (and upper class white) spoutings these days.

I am a Have Not, and though I may not always be one, I'll never forget how it feels to search for understanding from the ones who are biologically inclined to provide it, and come up with nothing.

am i speaking swahili or are you just not listening?

Of course, it might be fun to speak Swahili.  I just don't know anyone who understands it.

Every now and then I find an op-ed or an article that echoes what has been going through my mind:  the hypocrisy of conservatives, the misguided morality of both conservatives and liberals, etc.  But closer to home, it feels like I'm just some crazy Cassandra.   My refuge is the New York Times, which is admittedly a liberal paper, but I still see myself as a centrist.  Like Dan says, he's conservative in his heart but liberal in his head.  And I find that telling...for sometimes it seems like to be conservative is to ignore the logical thoughts in your own brain. 

I occasionally get my father's ear, and I remind him that the "us versus them" mentality gets nobody nowhere.  And he nods.  But then he continues to spout venom when it comes to animal rights activists and Muslims.  It's a vicious cycle...hate breeds hate, fiscal irresponsibility breeds more irresponsibility.  The latter is a reference to an article called the "Non-Profit Starvation Cycle" posted by a friend.  It's a pdf, or else I'd link to it somehow.  I'm just not feeling that html inclined today.  Anyway.  I think I'm feeling the words in that article all too well.  This job I have is afterall about to expire due to a lack of compassion and fiscal know-how.  What a sad situation we're in, us non-profit idealist art people, when our boards of trustees and executive directors cannot weather the recessional storm in a way that doesn't amputate all that is pure and good from the institution.  I've never understood how it could be deemed smart to fire good people in order to keep a museum open.  Those people are the museum!

But even as I type these words, I know they'll be misconstrued.  I know that no one will read every little paragraph and get exactly what I'm thinking and feeling.  That's the limit of language.  

It's like commenting on someone's post without reading the article they have cited.  That happens all the time...wall-posts are hijacked to get into some debate about what sort of non-profit (global or grassroots) better deserves support...something that is only indirectly related to the Starvation Cycle.  Ugh.  I got all mad about it and it wasn't even my wall!

I know there are just some people out there who will not see eye to eye with me.  It scares me, though, that a good portion of those people are in charge and capable of rendering me and my generation unemployable. 

compassion

It's not the be-all end-all...or end-all be-all...but something this country (as a whole society) lacks is compassion. Today there was a lady in line behind me who ordered a sub. No big deal there. Except that when it came down to picking veggies, she explained it wasn't for her...it was for the guy outside holding a sign that said "hungry." Now I've tried to give food instead of money before, and it didn't work. For some it's a health issue--food given by a stranger made them sick at some point--and for others, well, they'd rather have cigarettes or alcohol instead of food, unfortunately. If every single American was like the sub lady, we might be in a better situation than we are now.

I know it isn't so simple. Some people are too proud to ask for help. Others abuse the help that is given. All the Christmas food baskets my mother ever delivered couldn't solve the world's problems. But they helped those families have a merrier holiday.

A lot of Americans are afraid of becoming a "welfare state." These same Americans bemoan the dreary future for Medicare and Social Security (which is welfare...shhh! don't tell them!) And while Europe is slowly digging itself out of a rather deep financial hole, these Americans point eastward as if we need to learn a lesson. Well, we can learn a lesson right here on our own soil. The lack of compassion for others, those who are losing jobs and houses and livelihoods, is exactly what is sending this country down the drain. Like dirty bathwater. We cannot be the great nation of decades past when we have our own tired and poor yearning to be free (of debt) right here and now.

I've made no attempt to hide my bias toward my generation. I consider myself a bit of an advocate for the graduates and the interns and the assistants out there, being one myself. Yes, we need to create jobs for those who have lost them, which is what, in the millions now? But my focus is on the people who have not yet gotten a job. And I'm talking a real job with benefits and retirement and your very own desk and email account. I gave one of those up to go back to school, and although I most likely would have been "redirected" from the museum in the course of their renovation/lay-off-good-people campaign, I sometimes kick myself. There are "kids" out there, fellow generation Y-ers, who like me have moved back in with parents. Some send out 70 resumés a day and others have given up. Yes. There are recent graduates who have given up already. So much for commencing.

What is Congress telling my generation, when the interests of unions and industry make them focus on jobs for the older generations? When they filibuster an extension of unemployment benefits? Why can't we have the American Dream? Because we voted for Obama? Is this revenge?

I am about to commence the job search once again. And while the prospect of change has me a little giddy, I am deflated somewhat by the lack of compassion in my own backyard. When a sibling who has been working for over a decade complains about her retirement fund dwindling in such a way that (and I'm pretty sure this wasn't unintended) demonizes the very thing that has thrown me a lifeline--federal stimulus--I infer that older generations don't care what happens to us. As long as they can retire comfortably and drive their luxury vehicles, life is great. Meanwhile, remember those graduates I mentioned? Like me? Screw 'em. It's our fault for being born in the eighties. I should have known better...

Guess what. We'll be in charge some day. We are the future leaders. And then the next generation and then the generation after that. I've heard several conservatives preach about leaving debt for their grandchildren to pay...but no one is crying about hanging future generations out to dry. Let us get our start. Let us roll over our IRAs some day. It's not all about you and your retirement fund. Your wealth would be worthless, quite literally, if the next generations can't get their wealth started. So there's my socialist rant. With a capitalist twist...I want money. Let me earn it!

But I pledge this now: I will never drive a luxury vehicle.