potential

I could probably come up with an exhaustive list of all the reasons our civilization is screwed.  The list would involve several issues like our general disregard for the poor or our inability to be cooperative and constructive in politics.  And our lack of critical thinking skills, which I know I have already typed a little about.  Another thing is potential, and how we are squandering that potential.

Of course, potential is typically something judged on an individual basis.  I was always told I had a lot of potential in school.  Meaning I tested well and knew how to get straight A's.  Employers might see potential in a worker based on quality of work and attendance, not to mention attitude.  But what about potential on a more general, human level?  Think in terms of Jefferson's "pursuit of happiness" line.  From birth, I presume, each American individual has the potential to be somebody and achieve that "American Dream."  Used to be that this was accomplished through college, but we all know my stance on that.  Who judges this more universal potential?  Any politician who wants your vote will assure you that Americans are the best.  Implying that you are the best.  And if you aren't in a good place right now, like many of us, that also implies the potential to get a slice of the pie, and the politician's pledge to help you.

But from the point of view of a lowly substitute teacher and shop girl, that's all bullshit.  How can American potential be so great if so many children are illiterate and not getting the attention they need from teachers and parents?  How can it be so great if so many adults, for that matter, are practically illiterate and incapable of really thinking?

Here's an example from the store:  the average American consumer doesn't consider mathematics when shopping...they just want to get that "deal" which of course could not possibly involve arithmetic.  What happens when the old rule "The customer is always right?" meets math?  Math wins.  At least when I'm at the register.  Just so you know, a percentage discount on a total is equal to the sum of the same percentage discounts on the individual items.  Someone actually tried to argue against this.  Math is pretty much absolute unless you're getting into more abstract theory.  It's non-negotiable.  Why would somebody argue?  Simple, we all want a discount because we believe we deserve it.  I call this the "cheap factor," of which most Americans have fallen victim.

I wonder how many aggravating situations are rooted in our inability and/or unwillingness to remember lessons from elementary school.  No, the store is not screwing you over, but you are screwed regardless...because you failed to think.

this is what I get for not writing during gorgeous weather

If this entry were from last week, it would be incredibly upbeat and optimistic.  Not so, today.  It's a sad, rainy Tuesday, and there are a couple indications that I won't get exactly what I want.  I want employment, meaningful employment, and I have no definitive answers.  Well, except the potential teaching job.  But with my track record, even that could go haywire.

If all goes to plan, I'll be teaching the Baroque to Contemporary art history survey at OUZ.  Which sounds awesome.  And scary.  Especially if I wind up in the auditorium.  What if I bore the students to death?  What if they can't comprehend me?  It wouldn't be the first time...it often seems that I'm speaking gibberish to people.  So that's one thing.  In September.  But what about in between?

I just can't revel in the good things, like completing the horrid thesis or being done with the Heifer event.  I find not the silver lining but the dark spots.  Like...what if my grades aren't updated in time to reflect my graduation on my transcript?  I bet everyone at the graduation party was wondering who that loser Deborah is on the list and why she isn't there.  I do wish I could have been there.  I don't feel like a Master now.  No more than before.  And really...none of the good things in the past month keep me out of debt.  My life is all about a paycheck now.  So much for idealism.

On the bright side--well, less dark side--I got to watch the pilot of Lost on my computer while trying to email a potential employer and submitting yet another resume.  Fingers crossed for at least some form of acknowledgement.  It'll need to get a whole lot more gloomy for me to think that I shouldn't keep looking for that arts job that's out there for me, somewhere...